Apple II for you?

There are two things I hate more than anything. One: When someone steps on the back of my flip flop when I'm walking. Seriously people, how dumb are you. Get out of my space and don't step on my damn flip flop. I swear. Seriously though, the whole flip flop thing gets me heated every time. Anyway, the second thing I hate more than anything is the morning. I literally take two hours or more to wake up in the morning. I could be compared to one of those old Apple II computers from 1980 that had like a 3 inch screen, was only black and white and after you turned it on you could clean the living room, iron all your shirts for the week and take your dog for a walk while you waited for it to boot up but when it finally did it was an amazing piece of machinery. I am an Apple II, and I can't change it.
Someone once told me that if you have a positive attitude in the morning and think you are awake and happy you will be awake and happy. Well, I've experimented with that method and no matter how hard I try to be happy, when my roommate starts talking about the horrible night she had with her underage boyfriend while my other roommate listens to some sort of mixture between classical opera and German folk music, I am not happy. Not happy at all. Actually, I am the opposite of happy. I literally start seething inside and have to leave the room before I punch someone in the ovary.
Because this situation is a frequent occurrence, I have decided that my early morning orneriness can be attributed to one of two things. Either I am just the exception to the rule and am intrinsically cantankerous in the morning, or whoever said "think happy, be happy" is a friggin' liar. You be the judge. For now I'll just call myself an Apple II and leave it at that.

Dedicated to Janine McCauley