Yep...

We just got crop dusted!

Not cool Guylene, not cool.

The answer to an age old question.

What do lonely girls do on their night off?

Missed my que...

A friend of mine wanted to do a photo shoot with some balloons. This is the first one I've seen. I think it turned out pretty cool so far. I'm the awkward one on the far right.

It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

I'm lurpy. There's no way around it. I've been compared to the likes of trees, towers and tall glasses of water. I still don't fully understand how it is that I get "Oh, I'd love to be your height" nearly once a day. Is it really that the grass is greener on the other side? Do they really want to stand over 90% of this worlds population? Who really cares if the grass is greener, mines softer, obviously taller and smells better than your grass. And still the comments roll in. Just today I was walking out of the post office when an Italian stallion said to me "I sure hope you play basketball" I just looked at him and said "No, I wasn't tall enough" At least I got a chuckle.

Now the reason for this blog is not for complaining. I just noticed that my mind works much differently than the average-heighted persons does. After dropping off my loving man friend to the airport early the other morning I decided rather than driving all the way back to Provo I would head over to work and just lay down in the back of my car. I drive a Ford Escape, which is on the smaller end of the SUV world, but it works for me. I put down the seats and folded my long body in there. 3 hours later wouldn't be such a big deal to the normal human being, but to me, it was eternity. Don't get me wrong, I slept like a baby, I just literally couldn't move once all was said and done. My back hurt, my knees hurt, my neck hurt... It wasn't good. Later that day my boss decided to take us out to lunch for a co-workers birthday. As we piled into his Yukon my mind was in a jealous rage! I saw the size of the back seat ( the seats were down) and all I could think of was how amazing it would have been to sleep in that thing! I could have had full stretch ability. I was coveting a Yukon for heavens sake. That's like the suburban soccer moms of America's dream vehicle and there I was wanting to be part of the club. Get me a sweater vest and a visor. Pathetic.

All I'm saying is don't ask me how the air up here is. It's the same as it is down there.

Give me some homegrown peaches please

On my way to work today I noticed a semi-truck driving next to me. I could tell it was refrigerated and was carrying some sort of produce. That got me thinking of what I like to call the "Mexican Extended Produce Life Dichotomy." Let me explain...
Say a man owns a peach orchard in Mexico and sells the fruit it bears to the US for resale. He picks his fruit on a Wednesday and it ships out the next day. I buy that fruit on Saturday and take it home. Meanwhile out in my backyard I have a peach tree (yes I understand that it's stupid to have a peach tree and yet still buy peaches from the store but I had to make a parallel somehow. Give me a break) and I picked some peaches off my tree on Saturday, the same day I bought the mexi-peaches from the store. Common sense says that the mexi-peaches should, therefore, go bad before my peaches. But no that's not how it happens. They usually outlast my peaches by a day or three. Explain this to me. What is the big secret behind the everlasting Mexican produce? Because this doesn't happen with just peaches my friends. It happens with tomatoes and other produce as well.
The way I see it, there's a ratio phenomenon going on. Fruit grown here in the US lasts half as long as fruit grown in Mexico. That's a 2:1 ratio on time taken to go bad in Mexico's favor. So what's the big secret? How do they do it? What is it that the Mexican soil has that ours doesn't? Does it have to do with fertilizer? Should we start fertilizing our soil with bean and rice compote? Or is it the sheer fact that the US really doesn't produce anything of it's own that has the ability to outlast foreign products (way to go General Motors)?
You know what I think? I think it's about time we took some initiative and grew our own damn peaches. Screw Mexico.

Apple II for you?

There are two things I hate more than anything. One: When someone steps on the back of my flip flop when I'm walking. Seriously people, how dumb are you. Get out of my space and don't step on my damn flip flop. I swear. Seriously though, the whole flip flop thing gets me heated every time. Anyway, the second thing I hate more than anything is the morning. I literally take two hours or more to wake up in the morning. I could be compared to one of those old Apple II computers from 1980 that had like a 3 inch screen, was only black and white and after you turned it on you could clean the living room, iron all your shirts for the week and take your dog for a walk while you waited for it to boot up but when it finally did it was an amazing piece of machinery. I am an Apple II, and I can't change it.
Someone once told me that if you have a positive attitude in the morning and think you are awake and happy you will be awake and happy. Well, I've experimented with that method and no matter how hard I try to be happy, when my roommate starts talking about the horrible night she had with her underage boyfriend while my other roommate listens to some sort of mixture between classical opera and German folk music, I am not happy. Not happy at all. Actually, I am the opposite of happy. I literally start seething inside and have to leave the room before I punch someone in the ovary.
Because this situation is a frequent occurrence, I have decided that my early morning orneriness can be attributed to one of two things. Either I am just the exception to the rule and am intrinsically cantankerous in the morning, or whoever said "think happy, be happy" is a friggin' liar. You be the judge. For now I'll just call myself an Apple II and leave it at that.

Dedicated to Janine McCauley

Bears...

I just stumbled across this website and I had to post it.

http://www.thingsbearslove.com/

Here's a little preview...

• Wrestlers (more fun to maul)